Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
