I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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