Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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