didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
