My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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