Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I touched a dick in church today
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
