you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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