She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
