you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
