We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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