I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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