so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
