i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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