Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
