He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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