Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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