After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
