All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
