Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
