I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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