Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
