Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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