Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
