I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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