No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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