If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
