Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
