What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
