One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
