According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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