history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
