I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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