how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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