I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
