You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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