it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
