He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
