i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
