It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
