Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
