Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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