When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
