Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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