How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
