Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
