A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
