My liver just broke up with me...
i just had sex bonerless
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
