nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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