Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
