So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
