DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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