I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
